


trenchantGratisdicta: i dont even know where im going with this

by OtherCat



Series: contra legem [6]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-29
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-01-10 12:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 13,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1159807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtherCat/pseuds/OtherCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are DAVE STRIDER, former secretarial asset, current forensitech and forever SWAG AS FUCK. You have been asked by your therapist to create a journal, and both of your girlfriends thought this was A REALLY GREAT IDEA DAVE, YOU SHOULD DO IT and YES, THIS IS AN EXCELLENT IDEA. I LOOK FORWARD TO FOLLOWING YOUR TROLLMBLR.</p><p>Protesting that you already engaged in therapeutic venting through your RAPS and SICK BEATS fell on deaf ears.</p><p>Welp.</p><p>Looks like you have a blog. Time to get your socializing on.</p><p> </p><p>(A selection of posts from <a href="http://trenchantgratisdicta.tumblr.com/"><b>Dave's blog trenchantGratisdicta</b></a> on Trollmblr.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. dear diary my girlfriends are pushy broads

so this is a thing thats happening

emory wants me to write a journal pyrope and harley think this is a wonderful idea

i am doing this mostly under protest because if i have to write in a journal it should be a real journal that locks with a little key decorated with teal and red rhinestones

the journal not the key though maybe that too a blingpocalypse of rhinestones and glitter

and a pen with red ink okay

also i already do the venting thing via raps and sick beats

 


	2. a few rules in no particular order

  * whoever sees the coffee pot is empty must be the one to make the next pot unless you are coiver who does not drink coffee and therefore passive aggressively makes it wrong every time
  * it is not actually forensitech striders job to bring you coffee or tea unless you are chief legislacerator pyrope a vip or a client
  * it is also not investerrigator marcus job to bring you coffee or tea and you should feel ashamed for asking unless you are a vip a client or tragically lost the mobility in your stalking struts and grasping fronds
  * it is amporas job to bring coffee but it will have a 95% chance of being adulterated with seadweller spit because ampora is classy like that
  * if a book from the free book bin in the rec block leaves the rec block another book must be left in its place
  * if the book you took has a sequel or a prequel you had better replace that too
  * do not bring weapons into the rec block do not strife in the rec block do not have stupid arguments about comparative religion metaphysics politics or history in the rec block keep that shit on the forums and the gym where it belongs
  * quadrant shipping non-trolls is not expressly forbidden but attempting to play troll emma is especially do not attempt to set up forensitech strider or investerrigator marcus with each other or their significant others im sure well all think this is funny sweeps from now pyrati what the hell were you even thinking jesus christ on a pogo stick
  * stealing meals from the rec block thermal hull will result in you treating everyone to dinner in the officers lounge on steadfast yes literally everyone even the secretarial pool the claws of justice are implacable and merciless




	3. dear diary my night is surprisingly boring despite being part of a revolution what do

okay boring is actually nothing to complain about a night where you are not getting shot at or having to parry headshots is a good night the very best possible night

this post is actually about a typical night which is something else all together

so i usually get up first do evening things and order or heat up breakfast then pyrope wakes up and does evening things

we both take care of breakfast and read our email and figure out what we’re going to be doing for the day im still handling her schedule and mine, though im usually delegating the contact clients and reception duties these nights

if i don’t have admin duties i usually go to the lab and document evidence every few nights i visit crime scenes with a team and gather evidence and take pictures of evidence and the scene other times i get a project for creating a walkthrough or presentations for trials

somewhere in there i get lunch and take breaks i generally dont like actually taking breaks more because of reasons called previous situations where i get bitched at for taking a break or i dont get a break because i keep getting interrupted with more work

after the work shift me and pyrope meet up for dinner boss is making me do more social things so i don’t get to play wallflower as much as id like we usually go to the gym and spar and meet up with marcus or the other members of the core team after socializing we go back to the suite we end up on the fleetwide network forums or watch movies other times we go visiting

lately ive been going out on dates with jade or dates with pyrope or double dates with me, pyrope, jade and sollux though the double dates usually involve staying in sollux and jade’s suite and playing rpgs all day

so thats a typical day


	4. dear diary its my party i can cry if i want to

turned fourteen sweeps today

 the core team and friends decided to participate in a cross cultural social event by which i mean my birthday party

spoiler no i didn’t actually cry nor was i overcome with emotion at this sign of acceptance as a member of the team and a cog in the machinery of criminal justice

okay maybe a little overcome which i am only saying under duress and because pyropes pointy chin is digging into my shoulder as i type and its like being stabbed okay

john taught them the birthday dirge

the cake was red velvet with red frosting and those really terrible musical candles which were teal cherry swirl icecream it was perfect

gifts included mix tapes tyrsen atenee boxed set full title a tale of ancient days set before space flight of the adventures of the honorable justiciar mendicant tyrsen atenee a new sound board socks apparently kerres knits there were also birthday cards though they were hand made and mostly expressed the usual trollish sentiments concerning natal days


	5. dear diary ampora is a twitchy bundle of nerves and dumbass

its been about a perigee since we found out ampora has a moirail the search is on and ampora is swinging wildly between theyre lying about looking for the moirail and they found the moirail and are deliberately keeping them away for some reason then there are exciting fantasies where the moirail learned about amporas situation and immediately dumped him for whatever reason

it is very hard to go aw the poor guy is worried about his significant other bless when its a highblood flipping his shit for lots of stupid reasons because hes a twitchy bundle of nerves and dumbass

dude is apparently losing sleep and is drifting off at his desk for which he got in trouble today and sent to my office after some talking i told him to go see a psych and get a prescription for meds and gave him the night off

dude actually tried to pull a no no i can do my job thing then flipped his shit when he realized that wasn’t going to work

i said you sure are proving you can get the job done ampora

and he went oh fuck you strider the shit im doin is make work and i can do that with my eyes closed

i said thats not what fasces said

and he said fuck fasces i wasn’t asleep

i said just resting your eyes huh

then he started bitching of all things about me going easy on him because he was a high blood

i said oh my god im going easy on you because youre a twitchy dumbass take tonight off and tomorrow night off and you had better schedule an appointment or ill do it for you

then he waved his fins at me and hissed and stomped out of the office i asked BB to make sure he did what id told him to do


	6. cacoethicAtheling asked:

**cacoethicAtheling asked:**

wwas putting my business up on trollmbr abso-fucking-lutely necessary strider mocking my completely legitimate concern for my moirail is that a thing wwere doing noww

**trenchantGratisdicta answered:**

bro youve only been bitching about the situation for a perigee oddly enough no one is deaf and probably the fleetwide network knows you have a moirail and youre worried about them calm your tits

* * *

**cacoethicAtheling asked:**

dont tell me to calm my nonexistent tits strider its pretty damned unprofessional to be sharing gossip that should stay inside the office                     

**trenchantGratisdicta answered:**

dont talk to me about unprofessional ampora not when i went to the trouble of not going to detail on some of the stupid shit you said before i told you take the night off

* * *

**cacoethicAethling asked:**

oh fuck you strider

**trenchantGratisdicta answered:**

youre definitely not my type bro

 


	7. dragonseye42 asked:

**dragonseye42 asked:**

Did Mr. Hammal really try to set you and Mom up Mr. Strider?

**trenchantGratisdicta answered:**

at the risk of getting an angry message from your mom yes mr hammal decided me and your mom would make a cute couple despite knowing that your mom is monogamous and humans do not do kismesis i am not entirely sure where he got the idea i have nothing but the highest platonic respect for your mom and our debates on various subjects are lively and not in the least hostile

* * *

**dragonseye42 asked:**

Why did he think you two should get together? (Or are you being sarcastic? I know you and Mom don't get along, so you don't have to answer if you don't want?)

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

six of one half dozen of the other i do respect your mom but i don’t get along with her but since i am an adult i have to be polite about it so no booby trapping the loadgapers she has some new information that she is trying to process involving a ghosts b humans who follow troll religions and how they are not like humans who participate in weird cargo cults this is why religious discussions are banned in the rec block and why pyrati decided to play match maker also pyrati is kind of a romantic and pairing people up actually serves an important social function for trolls

* * *

**dragonseye42 asked:**

Why did he think you two should get together? (Or are you being sarcastic? I know you and Mom don't get along, so you don't have to answer if you don't want?)

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

six of one half dozen of the other i do respect your mom but i don’t get along with her but since i am an adult i have to be polite about it so no booby trapping the loadgapers she has some new information that she is trying to process involving a ghosts b humans who follow troll religions and how they are not like humans who participate in weird cargo cults this is why religious discussions are banned in the rec block and why pyrati decided to play match maker also pyrati is kind of a romantic and pairing people up actually serves an important social function for trolls

> reblogging to clarify with actual details of the situation at the behest of my therapist who feels i obfuscate to avoid getting angry about things that make me angry
> 
> so i participated in a troll seance because i wanted to make contact with my brother it went pretty well and I ended up doing some more reading on signlessism particularly their version of saints and specifically pyropes ancestor
> 
> i was talking about my bro the seance and what i was finding out about bros religion to agneta and the conversation wandered into various areas such as the difference between trad practice and secular practices
> 
> investerrigator marcus was on hand through most of it and expressed nonverbal discomfort about the conversation i asked her if there was a problem and she said there wasn’t and the conversation wandered on
> 
> then later during the weekly self defense class marcus brought up the conversation with agneta and asked me all kinds of questions about bro and the seance she was pretty doubtful i actually talked to my brother and kept trying to get me to admit that I wasnt sure either which wasnt actually a thing that was true
> 
> eventually pyrope interceded and we found something else to talk about at her urging
> 
> but that was not the end of it a couple nights later i somehow end up in another conversation with marcus this time about religion she asked about bros religion and was generally disapproving i told the story about bro making sure i had a back ground both in christianity and in the state religion so id be able to fit in
> 
> she says religion for appearance sake is hypocritical
> 
> i point out that signlessists generally have pretty good reason to keep under the radar and it just made sense to make sure you knew about other religions because appearance is pretty damn important
> 
> she asks if bro had taught me anything about other human religions and i said yeah pretty much so next she starts asking about universal truthers and crystal agers and happily conflates both with buddhism and quote eastern religions unquote
> 
> this was pretty damned annoying but i leave it at there not being any universal truther or crystal ager groups where we were living those groups usually stick to upscale closed communities i also tell her that neither group has much to do with buddhism or eastern religions and she argues with me about it
> 
> so this happens a couple more times and the situation gets a little messed up because pyrati takes it into his head that these arguments are black flirtation the wtf was completely epic
> 
> the end result is that religious conversations and playing troll emma for non trolls is forbidden
> 
>  


	8. dear diary more about religion and the lack thereof

i was pretty much raised areligious except for whatever bro thought i would need to fit in

i have mixed feelings about being kept in the dark about bros religious leanings on one hand i completely understand the necessity but on the other hand it upsets me that i couldnt be trusted

implying that there was something inherently wrong with someone hiding their religious affiliations is probably going to piss me off

implying that there is something wrong with being areligious is also pretty annoying for pretty much the same reason

which marcus pretty much discovered a few days ago and also more recently

the religion arguments continue and pyrope seems to think this is a good sign because quote conflict and the airing of differences is just as important as more amicable conversations unquote

i think she is hoping that marcus will become my hatefriend the way domingo was

sorry boss no one can take the place of that dumb asshole in my life no one could be that perfect combination of  frustrating and reasonably okay to hang out with

the conversations are still banned from the rec block so most of our arguments are via forums and ims

some signlessists and folks from other traditions and religions have joined in, including some people i know from nitrams poetry forum a couple times vantas or egbert have made an appearance in the conversations which is occasionally funny because marcus doesn’t know how to handle vantas being troll pope which is weird since shes sort of friends with him

ive been asked a couple times if i might convert to the signless cult and i dont really know how to answer

the philosophy is pretty interesting though


	9. cannailleGuardian asked:

**cannailleGuardian asked:**

WHILE I'M GLAD YOUR GETTING SOME ENTERTAINMENT OUT OF THESE CONVERSATIONS I'D LIKE YOU TO DO ME A SOLID AND STOP CALLING ME TROLL-POPE THE HUMOR IS WEARING THIN AS THE MUCH SCRAPED PARCHMENT ARCHIVISTS INSIST ON USING FOR SCRIPTURE INSTEAD OF THE MUCH SANER DIGITAL OR DEAD TREE VARIATIONS ITS BAD ENOUGH THAT EGBERT DOES IT

**trenchantgratisdicta answered** :

isnt making authority figures aware they are still brothers and equals a thing though im pretty sure i read something like that along with a bunch of parables that seem to mostly involve making sensei facepalm because h/she wasnt acting in accord and h/she got called on it also if thats the worst he trolls you with youve got nothing to complain about compared to what hed do when we were in schoolfeeding and he decided you were causing trouble for everyone

* * *

**canailleGuardian asked:**

OH SENSEI IS DEFINITELY FACEPALMING HERE STRIDER BUT BECAUSE YOU'RE COMPARING A VERY TEDIOUS JOKE WITH BRINGING SOMEONE INTO ACCORD WHEN THEY'VE ALLOWED THEMSELVES TO BECOME TOO CERTAIN OF THEIR RIGHTEOUSNESS NOT BECAUSE I'VE BEEN SCHOOLED BY YOUR PRESENTATION OR ARGUMENTS YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR IS ONLY A LITTLE LESS ANNOYING THAN YOUR PALEBROS

**trenchantGratisdicta answered:**

hahahaha id try for a comeback involving teaching through humor but that would be kind of dumb also me and egbert have an awesome sense of humor we could take our act on the road

* * *

**greyTraveler asked:**

//youve got nothing to complain about compared to what hed do when we were in schoolfeeding and he decided you were causing trouble for everyone// not cool telling stories out of school bro!

**trenchantGratisdicta answered:**

dude you started it and id bet about a thousand caegars you probably already told him half the stories that spring immediately to mind


	10. dear diary this goes all over the place

had a dream that i was a kid again and had to go to vacation bible school but when i got there it was actually some kind of signlessist meeting except john was in the corner doing his heathen thing then i bumped into ms arnolde who was the sunday school teacher for first baptist who was complaining about syncretism and saying the devil has his christs there was also something about being late for sparring with bro and not being able to get to the top of the stairs so i could get to the roof

ive decided to blame the dream on investerrigator marcus

tonight was mostly storing evidence and working on walkthroughs we also did a full bug out drill for the marcuses who manage to get through it pretty well except for mr marcus who got taken out early pyrope was having entirely too much fun because she is a gamer grrrrl

from there i somehow ended up in an argument with ampora about tyrsen atenee basically ampora was being a killjoy because tyrsen atenee is not in any way historically accurate

i think he was a little flummoxed that i actually agree with him on that point the show is not historically accurate and in many ways the historical tyrsen atenee is much cooler than his fictional adaptation but to say that the show is terrible just because its historically wrong is kind of stupid its an awesome show and i love the cheesy edited into incomprehensibility english dub as much as i love the the uncut untranslated series

he tried to make a comment about childhood nostalgia being the only semi acceptable reason to like the show i told him that was complete bullshit and now somehow were going to be marathoning the show i think i will probably invite kerres and some other people


	11. dear diary this is stuff i dont want to talk about

yet somehow here we are i am only doing this under protest ariane just so you know

processing isnt too different from when they sort you out after a conscription sweep you get put through a battery of tests and various technicians examine you and during this time you are pretty much in paper gowns and a pair of socks

you get tagged and tracked and put in one of the dorms i got sorted onto the administrative track which means lots of business classes and accounting and the kind of etiquette training you get for business every few days i had to report for behavior modification which mostly involved a telempath getting into my brain and messing around

discipline was usually short rations isolation beatings sleep dep

you eventually get clothes but even that is all about lessons how to wear what to wear how to look presentable how to hide a black eye and a limp every little thing has to be under complete control at all times

youre pretty much not allowed to talk to anyone except instructors or whoever you were assigned to work for in the office sim it might have been an accounting firm or a utility corporation or a docterrorist office they wanted to give us a well rounded office experience

i think we were supposed to be appreciative of all the work they put into us but i dont think i ever really felt it and the scenarios were never really like the real situation

there was a lot of the kind of rah rah you should feel so privileged and grateful to be useful as something other than fertilizer youd expect from imperial behavior modification with some additional rah rah do your best that i can at this point admit was kind of creepy  

i think the whole process took about half a sweep then we got moved to the fleet for sale i think the group i was with changed hands twice before i ended up sold to surveilancer colonel hipidi hastur


	12. dear diary more stuff i don’t want to talk about

so theres a lot going on with getting deprogrammed working with ariane and telzey on sorting through the mental architecture or whatever

and the thing is theyre not removing it no theyre adjusting it modifying it making it into something that will maybe make me a little less messed up

i am still trying to understand how something put into my brain has become such a big part of how i do everything that it cant actually be removed it can only be made into something i control instead of the reverse

its fucking scary

ariane wants me to talk about what happened in training just write down as much as i can remember which isnt actually a whole hell of a lot

i can just approach it sideways give an general overview i can’t really give details because i dont really remember much except a lot of classes punishment details and every so often sessions that were probably for the psychic programming stuff

i didnt really have a good handle of time at the time which i think they did on purpose

deprogramming is a little easier to talk about in the fleet forums we all have our little stitch and bitch online without the stitches helms ex-slaves current slaves who are in therapy for one reason or another usually because they had the same kind of training i had pretty simple rules and some pretty heated arguments and the occasional flounce

in other news megido keeps encouraging me to talk to her but im a little shy of that and im not really sure why i think its still pretty much because shes pyropes matesprit and im not quite sure how to frame any questions i might want to ask

i am a little less shy of nitram but thats because hes persistently friendly like pyrati and doesnt have the same kind of vibe i get from megido that is i don’t feel like im screwing up the quadrant thing with nitram when we talk

vantas is not actually a quadrant corner or whatever but im really enjoying talking with him, though it still feels a little weird to be talking to him

how do i quadrant how dave make quadrant corners happen


	13. dear diary let me tell you a thing

so the purpose of this diary is to talk about all the things im working through in therapy while also talking about my mundane life and my interactions with others

but there is this thing called confidentiality so there is actually a lot of stuff i am not sure i can talk about and there is also this thing called i dont want to get in too much trouble with the people i work with or for

even though so far they have not objected too much about what ive written so far but then i have only written about a few of them like marcus and ampora

the security chiefs totally dont count because they are not in my chain of command

i think i am going to try avoiding naming them from now on and instead rely on cutesy nicknames and possibly initials

boss core team has a paramortem a medexaminer an investerrigator and a questioned document examiner more recently we have a second human investerrigator and forensitech who is yours truly

most of my early interactions in a sort of near-social sense were with the paramortem aq and the questioned document examiner ph

ph because he spent a lot of time hanging over the entirely metaphorical cubical wall asking me all kinds of shit and aq because she mostly hung out with ph and it is apparently her job to keep phs enthusiasm from dripping all over the place aq is a very chill sister with a lot of patience and a morbid sense of humor that is apparently a thing with psychopomps

co is the investerrigator and i mostly interacted with him when i started helping to secure crime scenes and taking photographs of evidence hes a by the book guy and this is kind of a funny story but he got really upset that i called him my lord or sir instead of boss like i called at aq and ph i was totally destroying team dynamics which were apparently especially fraught because of the lower caste team members

at i mostly interacted with in a professional sense as well so much so that i do not have any entertaining little stories of our interactions though i suspect he was the one moving the little dragon figurines on the Inexpicable Decor Shelf around

sm is our newest member and was previously a vip until the heiress decided to conscript her we have knocked heads in the past and i also have no entertaining stories of our interactions unless our conversations in the forum count

ea is more or less a member of the team but he is still in data entry hell until his first review i have no funny stories about this guy but give it time and i will totally tell all

there is also tp who is the boss who is my moirail who is one of my girlfriends about whom i will share this funny story my previous owner managed to retain my previous dj rig by deceiving the boss as to the importance and nature of this equipment i bet the guy thought he was hella clever pulling the wool over her sightless ganderbulbs and the boss was indeed chagrinned to learn of her error

i thought nothing of it and counted it as yet another survivable loss so my surprise was very great to learn that when we moved that not only did i have my own respite block that was not a repurposed office or storage space but i had a new rig i dont want to say that was the nicest thing anyones done for me but that came pretty close


	14. dear diary there is some serious pearl clutching going on here

so apparently the first pile is a big deal with capitals and squiggle signs to indicate long drawn out syllables~ your first in person encounter with your pale crush and probably all your other troll crushes needs to be taking place in the quadrant block if you happen to have a formal quadrant block or some other place that is safely neutral yet private and intimate meeting block is okay, food prep block is also safe respite block is a big no because it is not neutral and extremely private and intimate

my and tps first pile was in her respite block

which was probably a good thing because i honestly think i would have lost it if shed headed for the quadrant block which i had previously been specifically told not to enter

i am the best at not being the chick in bluebeard it is me

im coming forth with this shocking revelation because the purrbeast is out of the bag since some innocent quadrant gossip on my part led to some serious spit takes and side eyes from tps friends and quadrant

the level of scandalized is completely through the roof and i dont think well be hearing the end of it for a long while

this is of course fucking hilarious and i am not sorry


	15. holy shit

your regularly scheduled blog post has been preempted on account of HIC this blog will resume its regular posting after the duel

hopefully


	16. dear diary meet the new boss genetically similar to the old boss

we wont be getting footage of the entire duel for a while yet but we’ve been getting clips lots of swooshy stabby scenes with vantas fighting back to back with peixes against hic and drones 

weird troll thing the instant hic died most of the remaining drones switched allegiance to peixes jr the ones who didnt were promptly executed by the ones who had 

weird troll thing part two the ones getting executed didnt even fight they just kind of stood there and got dismembered

weird troll thing part three non-drone crew either had total meltdowns or immediately surrendered/switched allegiances 

the drones are currently on the flagship mildly terrorizing innocent trolls and nontrolls alike

any swooning over the peixes/vantas moraillegiance re their fighting form gets lots of shouty all caps in response apparently their synchronicity was exceptional and exemplary of true serendipity vantas disagrees loudly egbert says the gentleman protesteth too much

there was a major kerfuffle over hics helmsman who it turns out is a major vip for the signlessists 

dude is nearly catatonic though and no ones got any idea if hes even going to survive 

peixes has been making progressive speeches and is undoubtedly spamming the news feeds with them ive only watched a few of them

we’re on the way to alternia where the coronation ceremony is going to be held were supposed to be joining up with allies and supporters, while a general shakedown takes place lots of bigwigs are going to be losing their jobs it sounds like

tp has been going to a lot of meetings and is basically bouncing off the walls with glee it is cute and yet somehow terrifying


	17. dear diary lets visit the land of good intentions

> Let me put it before the court that intent to not cause harm does not mean no harm was caused. You might not have meant to cause harm but your intent is not in any way a valid excuse in the face of the harm you caused.

above is a  quote from the commentaries and by quote i more or less actually mean paraphrase because i can't be bothered to copy paste

they came to mind during some mental excavations and i ended up thinking about people who probably didnt intend to cause harm to me, and actually meant to do the right thing by me 

so i guess this constitutes a litany of small kindnesses, though i never bothered to remember names in most cases

the social workers who decided that i should go into military school feeding instead of foster care or the conscripted labor pool 

the instructors at white tank specifically the swordkind instructor i had first through fifth quad, the theater coach the av instructor because they all seemed to have a desire to not just teach but inspire and counsel and help which is not something i would have ever expected

the instructors who decided that my eye and hair color disqualified me from military service or even a security or other combatant track and put me on the secretarial/admin track instead of the athletic track which is actually a euphemism for bloodsports and other entertainments though i was not actually appreciative of any of this at the time

vespal who died trying the help me by trying to auspistize between me and hastur i am not sorry it didnt work though

domingo who was a complete dumbass and kept me from going completely crazy with a lack of anyone to bullshit and fuck around with i wish i knew what happened to you, and if orland lied about what happened to you and if he did why

orland who for some reason wanted to larp being a talent agent and let me have a lot of stuff he then passive aggressively hocked after he sold me but seriously i am grateful for the side business i was allowed to have

tregar and his partner who were ridiculously careful about questioning me re ea and his attempt at espionage also they get kudos for not being too weirded out by tp getting to pale first base with me in the isolation block

sm who definitely means well and i should leave that where it is because pointing out all the ways she went wrong would be kind of petty at this point


	18. anonymous asked:

**anonymous asked:**

Have you spoken any more with your Bro since your first seance with Aradia? Have you been able to talk to him in your dreams at all or is that still too foggy?

**trenchantGratisDicta answered:**

i have not spoken to bro since the seance and the ghost dreams continue to be extremely wacky for which i am going to blame various other persons i should also have seances with aradia about this would be a thing that would happen if i didn’t feel guilty because apparently aradia also has important coronation things to do with her imperial highness that said i am not too bothered by visitations from vespal and domingo but not together because they are not chocolate and peanut butter they are oil and water

**anonymous asked:**

Have your nightmares gotten any better since you started going to therapy? Or are they still pretty harsh :(

**trenchantGratisdicta answered:**

they are about the same if not slightly weirder dreams tend to fall into the following categories weird ghost dreams really bad memories id rather not remember thanks and stress dreams where you have an important assignment you cant get done because suddenly the office space has become a maze or something ive been getting fewer stress dreams and more ghost dreams which is almost a good thing i guess there have been more incidents of me waking up half arguing with someone though which everyone finds hilarious


	19. dear diary lo the moirail appeareths

something a little lighter than my last post about good intentions 

eas moirail has finally appeared green and somewhat nervous though i think that was mostly because of all the vetting he must have gone through 

he calmed down pretty much once he and ea had what was pretty much their first in person meeting ever 

did i mention they didn’t know their caste just their jobs though ea was kind of dishonest about his made it sound like he was some kind of under clerk when he was actually much higher up the bureaucracy ladder 

despite the fib and the revelation the moirail took it all in stride and was doing moirail type things within minutes 

the moirail does it work and was very definite about staying with ea this means that through the power of nepotism the new guy has a job on the ship 


	20. dear diary i got introduced to the dragon mom

boss has been busy with coronation preparations which for her means vetting the participants and doing a lot of talking to imperial drones about what is best not to speculate i have been busy helping with the vetting and also with my usual duties still have not found the person to take over my admin duties fasces is sort of leaning into position but i also need someone for boss team 

ampora is settling down more now that issher petrov the wonderrail is here its kind of weirdly cute to watch them together not of course that we see much of them together they tend to hole up in out of the way places or amporas room when they get together sometimes you might catch them holding hands in the entertainment block or something 

they arent sugar sweet all the time though which is something of a relief i think there were a few tense moments im not going to get into due to not actually my business but petrov has really improved amporas general state of mind and temperament so all is well on that front 

yeah by the way i kind of give up on the completely anonymous initials 

weve reached alternia and only had a few bad moments with parts of the fleet not willing to get the message about the new empress nothing like battles more like staring contests and the other guy is the one that usually blinks

boss decided that she wanted me to meet her lusus who is a very large dragon who may or may not have another wiggler to raise she got special permission to go planet side and caught nitram in a moment where he wasn’t doing anything in particular and we all took a shuttle down the plan was that he would contact dragonmom and if she had a wiggler we’d head back to the steadfast 

boss made something of a picnic of the affair, landing near where her treehouse used to be the place burned down just before ascension so there’s a little clearing in the forest and a very large stump i can report that the forest is very forest like and the picnic was very traditional and involved an invasion of insects once the army of ant analogs were defeated i took various scenic pictures to impress a certain nature loving girlfriend meanwhile nitram did his animal communion thing boss was disappointed to discover that dragonmom did indeed have a wiggler so we headed back to the shuttle

dragonmom did not get the memo that if she had a wiggler wed be leaving her alone however she flew into view just as we got back to the shuttle and landed over the protests of a little tiny troll child clinging to a saddle on dragonmoms back there was almost some drama but i managed to stop boss from walking into a spear and dragonmom got her kid to calm down happy reunion obtained i tried to keep my distance sadly boss wasn’t having any of that and i was immediately introduced to boss lusus whose head was about as tall as i am i paid my respects and did not squeak when that huge nose sniffed and then bumped me in the chest in a friendly greeting then we met the little tiny troll child who was more impressed with a real live alien than a real live legislacerator as the wise man said so it goes 


	21. anonymous asked:

**anonymous asked:**

Should Fleet resources really be used for night trips to the surface by Imperial Advisors? 

**trenchantGratisdicta answered:**

hell yes anon

in fact there should be an entire resort and vacation industry around imperial advisers getting night trips to alternia to visit their lusii and dodge spears 

but seriously the resources used were negligible and boss and nitram had the time and could get the permission 

**pyratiHammal asked:**

I think anon was mostly upset because THEY weren't able to go to the surface Dave. It's kind of a big deal you know with that entire off limits to adults thing 

**trenchantGratisdicta answered:**

yeah yeah i get that you are all totally welcome to your hellmurder death planet and you should totally get to visit the less murderous sections of it such as boss pink and blue forest 

though what i dont get is why drones dont count as adults or jades though from what i hear the jades are mostly in orbit 

**pyratiHammal asked:**

there are plenty of places on Alternia that are non-hellmurdery Dave! For instance, the river valley where I grew up. Temperate clime and only a few floods every spring. Great hunting though! 

The reason drones don't count as adults is because they're DRONES Dave. Trolls but kind of not trolls too.

**trenchantGratisdicta answered:**

how many times did you end up on top of your roof hammal thats the big question waiting for the rescue rowboat to show up or did you have your own and see thats not much of an answer drones are drones but not adults and so allowed to stay on the planet or go whereever when theyre mature but not why

im going to have to do some kind of sociology research arent i and i still wont get a straight answer

**dragonseye42 asked:**

If you could go back to Earth where would you visit, Mr. Strider?

**trenchantGratisdicta answered:**

she of the pointy chin wants to point out that if i really wanted to i could go back to earth i am pointing out that you are probably not implying that i am exiled from the green hills of same youre just following with the entire theme of people being homesick for where they grew up 

boss is also implying that i am trying to get out of the question by throwing a lot of chaff in the air as a distraction which she is mostly correct about so i would like to visit earth but probably not where i grew up on account of bad memories for where i grew up i think i would like to see old chicago or new orlean or new york maybe la then england france bali singapore d stri world tour okay with my ladies on either arm 

**complexquanta asked:**

Do you and Terezi like the house at the same temperature?

**trenchantGratisdicta answered:**

short answer is nope long answer that there is a subtle battle between warmer for her and colder for me which is hilarious in a way because she apparently grew up in a place that was more temperate than where i grew up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [complexQuanta](http://archiveofourown.org/users/complexQuanta/pseuds/complexQuanta) for the questions.
> 
> Also, there are some rp logs on the blog that may get linked but not posted to the ao3 version.


	22. dear diary we are defining personal space

the boss is one handsy broad

i was used to being handled moved guided touched inspected nudged bopped grabbed adjusted etc but pyrope took it to a whole new level somehow without freaking me out too much at the same time the new normal just sort of became pyrope flicking imaginary lint off my suits or getting really close and sniffing me and complimenting my taste in take out or suddenly deciding she wanted to know what i really thought about cargo cult number thirty thousand 

so i got used to her being up in my grill at all hours of the night though most of the time the sear marks were on my ass not hers which i mean semi literally boss likes her interrogations well done and extra spicy and there was nothing she didnt want to know about me i dont think anyones ever had that kind of intense interest in me before at the same time she gave me lots of space where i needed it but even where she gave me space there was a boss shaped impression of her presence

you always try to learn moods and predilections but this was different maybe because she was trying to deprogram me and maybe she was company not just someone i had to pay attention to and maybe because it felt safe and i am now going to pretend i didn’t write that last anyone calling me on it will get the blankest of blank looks so dont even think of it 

shes mentioned that i was the first person to share living quarters with her for an extended period of time i know it took her a while to get used to me being around and the less said about certain accidental viewings of certain anatomical features the better but there was also just sharing space and me tooling around doing busy work chores on slow days and boss snarking that she didn’t need help with housework which was a total lie and then sending me on errands since i was looking for something to do 

she got used to me being around and maybe she was learning my moods and predilections too which is not something i would have thought of though its occurred to me now so i wonder if theres a dave shaped impression for her or maybe im going too deep with this and people are going to say dave you are one broody motherfucker 

this post is largely the fault of our therapist who wants to dig into my tender brain meat looking for my sense of i dont even know what to call it except personal space like this is something to worry about my boundaries are pretty well defined now why do we even need to go over this but no its independence and agency all the way down now


	23. anonymous asked:

**anonymous asked:**

In your therapy, have you reached any of the "this feels slightly better" stages, or has it mostly been the "this sucks worse than when I started" stage? (Asked as somebody who's done therapy.) 

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

there are feels slightly better stages dot dot dot question mark

i kid there is currently a does not suck as badly as i thought it would stage boss method of deprogramming would probably qualify as sucks worse than when i started especially since i had no idea that thats whats shes doing at the time lots of no thats a rote response dave tell me what you think i think fuck you mistress and then cackling 

emory is tough but no legislacerator couple sessions can be a little hairy i get called on being evasive a lot occasionally in stereo though boss is not supposed to do that couple session is for both of us to learn new communication skills and how to interact as equals blah blah so on and so forth solo sessions may be a little more stressful for pyrope than me were both kind of wrung out afterward but pyrope gets particularly thoughtful 

**anonymous asked:**

Do you ever feel jealous when you see Terezi interacting with other people in ways that could be considered pale? Does she get jealous of you?

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

thats legislacerator pyrope to you brosis and being human i do not feel jealous when she does something that could be interpreted as pale with someone who is not me as to your second question i am pretty sure she does not get jealous of me when i talk to john though she claims to be envious of our history with each other 

**marcus_s asked:**

Elizabeth has greatly enjoyed A Young Woman Who Aspires to be a Second Atenee But Is Handicapped By The Realities of a Modern Judicial System. Her questions have far outstripped my knowledge of the wider Alternian legal system. I have suggested that she ask you instead. Please let me know if she is taking up too much of your time, or asking inappropriate questions, and I'll set her straight.

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

i have no problems with fielding questions from elizabeth investerrigator shes been a very polite and circumspect visitor to this blog i should warn you that in the case of second atenee i am not very much of an expert as a result of it having been considered slightly subversive at white tank military schoolfeeding and i never really caught up also i have a strong preference for the first series i might also be able to help her with the alternian legal system questions but will probably doing a lot of hey boss can you field this and research since i am but a simple forensitech who likes to read his boss legal textbooks

**dragonseye42 asked:**

Hi Mr. Strider. I hope I'm not interrupting you, and please tell me if I'm being rude or wasting your time. I'm really really enjoying Second Atenee. In Episode 43, Alternig'hth Grish!na (I hope I spelled that right) Investerrigator Ruatcaelum is enraged by the lying witness and threatens to behead him. But then she doesn't do it! 

Tyrsen Atenee would absolutely have finished him off. Do you think this episode is showing that Investerrigator Ruatcaelum is not a worthy successor to her Ancestor? Does Neophyte Pyrope behead perjured witnesses? Do you? 

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

tyrsen was working on his own doing the rad mendicant justiciar thing elizabeth a perjured witness is pretty much useless and back then those court oaths had lethal consequences if you broke them in this enlightened age witness testimony is at best supplemental and considered not as useful as other kinds of evidence also as an investerrigator shes part of a team and cant just lop off heads without an okay from the team leader unless of course the witness attacks or something nowadays a perjured witness gets hit multiple times in the pocket book and in really serious cases or if hes a lowblood might lose his freedom for a length of time determined by the court 

**brilliantHeir413 asked:**

Dear Mr. Strider, I have an important question I can't ask Dad or Mom. Can I talk to you privately? 

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

survey says that questions you cant ask your mom and dad are definitely questions you should ask your mom or dad so the answer is no 

**ShiningDescendant asked:**

Dear Dave Strider, Can humans become spaceships? I think Helmsmen are really cool and being a spaceship would be radsauce. 

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

i am so tempted to copy this to the helmsman mccaffrey forum you have no idea or the general helm forum 

no netizen humans cannot become spaceships because despite rumors of spoon bending humans do not have psionic abilities 

**marcus_s asked:**

Thank you. On a tangent, I have just received a note from a former colleague who wants me to use Neophyte Pyrope's influence to get him out of a mess he caused by forging a warrant. I find myself envying your right to act in Neophyte Pyrope's Name, because if I could there would be one fewer dirty cop in the world. 

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

referred this note to boss who says quote i have irons in the fire already unquote she also says that you should definitely send messages like that on to her because her job is to remove dirty cops from the world 

**marcus_s asked:**

That was a joke.

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

its because youre too serious marcus no one can tell youre joking but at least you know what would happen in the case of a real dumbass trying to influence the wheels of justice and the body of the law 

**dragonseye42 asked:**

That's sort of disappointing. I get why, but modern life is boring. I guess I should be glad Arieta gets out from behind a desk as much as she does. I did love the part where Arieta dueled the other investerrigator who interfered with her case. I bet it's going to wind up as a blackrom. Dueling and blackrom are a total rush, even if blackrom is not a healthy relationship. Do you think my mom would let me learn to strife? 

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

legislacerator teams can be pretty active on the case sometimes fatally and i dont mean for the suspect or client no major injuries with pyropes team though which is a good thing you should probably ask your mom about that if you want to im of the opinion that everyone should be able to strife but thats just me 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OC and anon Questions curtesy of [Madame Hardy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameHardy/pseuds/MadameHardy)


	24. dear diary the week so far

so far this week got a bunch of interesting asks, a few of them from investerrigator marcus kids and one of them from the investerrigator herself someone wanted to see if i know the entire economic and social history of slavery in the alternian empire, a few asked personal questions about me and the boss and one netizen wanted to know if humans could become helmsman possibly due to a viewing of helmsman down at least it wasn’t those creepy propaganda childrens books ive heard about in passing from jade and a few helms 

the older marcus scion wants to learn swordkind fighting which makes me nostalgic in a weird way about learning swordkind from my bro and also about a friend of mine who was also learning swordkind from him not sure why though not sure why the nostalgia and not sure why im particularly thinking about josie 

its getting easier to think about them partly it was seeing them but its just easier to talk about them and about my bro id like to shout out to his fan club who ive been talking to off and on theyre an interesting mix of zahhak lineage solitaries with a couple of pyrope lineage folks who are in vantas collective 

i may have offered to help with the training if the kids serious about it and if marcus is willing to go along with it since it wouldn’t be that far of a stretch from the self defense training and coffee klatch hour we are already doing to be sociable the sociable part is kind of important as pyrope thinks me and marcus should be hate friends to which i say no boss no not until she replaces no offense with sorry bro which will be approximately never 

we are still working up to the coronation weve been busy but its slowing down as the date for the coronation gets nearer there are parties and gatherings and ships arriving every night everyone is excited and by everyone i mean everyone 


	25. dragonseye42 asked:

**dragonseye42 asked:**

Dear Mr. Strider, Thank you so so so much for convincing Mom to let me learn to swordfight. I know it will be hard work and not really like Tyrsen Atenee, but I'm still incredibly happy. I already promised Mom I wouldn't actually fight with anybody, so you don't need to worry about that. Thank you again. P.S. Tyrsen Atenee is still the best. I like Second Atenee, but it's not the same. 

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

youre welcome elizabeth we can start next time you and your parents show up for the self defense class and coffee klatch itll be mostly kata and stretching though at first 

tyrsen atenee is indeed the best i also recommend you read up about the historical figure hes based on half the sword fights but twice the court drama and intrigue this might or might not be a thing you might like 

**dragonseye42 asked:**

I read the Trollpedia pages on Atenee. One of them recommended "The Life of the Itinerant Justiciar Tyrsen Atenee With Particular Reference to Legal Precedent and Detailed Analysis of Modern Equivalents." It sounds like the sort of thing you were suggesting? Would that be a good one to read? What's your favorite Tyrsen Atenee episode? 

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

yeah thats about right my favorite episodes are pretty much the ones from the fifth through tenth seasons where he gets involved with the smuggler who turns out to be an under cover agent for coastal defense force the episode where he discovers the truth is hilarious especially the look on tyrsens face just before the scene fade 

**s_marcus asked:**

I just read your public post. I do, sincerely, apologize for offending you. I do believe that compelling sentient beings to live as devices is morally questionable, but I could have found a better way of saying that. There must be some way we can work together without constantly getting on each other's nerves. In any case, thank you again for offering to teach Elizabeth; she's very excited about it. 

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

investerrigator i think we can say safely say were on agreement on that so would the helmsmen who are able to have an opinion on anything 

the problem here is that i took offense to the phrase no offense which to my ear is hella rude and conversationally meaningless if you say no offense you should damn well know what you said was offensive and should apologize which you did just now so cool we done now 

except were not done now because you are making a big deal over a little snark i feel we can work together investerrigator there just needs to be a little more mutual understanding that i mouth off a lot and will happily do that in my own spaces and anywhere else i feel like that isnt a professional environment which my blog is not we tried that a little and it didn’t go so well 

i can be circumspect and i feel i was you might have another feel and thats cool too we can talk about that while remembering that it takes extra work for us to get along because of reasons 

**twinArmageddons asked:**

you are goiing two get so much shiit for fiieldiing helm2man que2tiion2 iinstead of referriing your alleged anon two the appropriiate forum 2oo much 2hiit 

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

i will defend my right to say humans cant become helmsman because humans dont have psionics to the stars captor also i have reason to believe that my alleged anon would have a hard time getting permission to read said forums or even read the faqs of said forums because of reasons 

**marcus_s asked:**

I didn't plan to pick a fight, but to end or at least interrupt one. It isn't my business to criticize what you put in your journal, and I wasn't criticizing uour journal. I saw that I'd been rude to you. I wanted to set that right. I'm starting to feel like the Peter Principle in action: the Heiress put me in a position I have no idea how to fill. The police issues are manageable, but the cultural issues are hopeless. 

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

you realize i just had to rescue my keyboard from the boss right the essence of her hijack attempt is that you are doing fine in your duties and boss has likewise learned about the things that you are an expert in during the coffee klatches she says that soon the division will grow to a sufficient size that you can be moved into areas you are more familiar with

also she does not in essence agree that the cultural issues are hopeless and neither do i even if you do come from a ceecee hell jade comes from a ceecee sort of and i get along fine with her 

i do not stay [offended for very long](http://trenchantgratisdicta.tumblr.com/post/110549293013/rp-ashen-pile) and i accepted your apology investerrigator 

**dragonseye42 asked:**

Dear Mr. Strider, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for the swordfighting lessons. This is so much fun! I wish I could remember all the poses in the first kata every time, but I'm practicing every day by myself. I'm not bothering with the protective equipment, though; it seems kind of silly when I'm alone, and nobody is actually coming near me with a bokken anyway. Anyway, one more THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

youre welcome elizabeth dont worry about the protective equipment when youre just doing your kata actually dont worry about it in general since were going to take it slow before we do any actual strifing remember to do your stretches you need to be pretty flexible and you arent quite as flexible as i was at your age 

**ShiningDescendant asked:**

I learned in school that the trolls messed with us to make us have weird-colored eyes. Do you think if we asked them they'd give us psiionics? 

trenchantgratisdicta answered:

no kid no

no i am not attempting to explain the history behind the genemods and the reasons why people with genemods are a very very small minority 

no humans cannot have psionics 

no i am not talking to you about helmsman because i am not one and dont want to encounter the oppression olympics in my blog

yes i am telling your mom about this


	26. dear diary have some contemplation

Here we are on the eve of the actual coronation the empress to be has declared a more or less official night of contemplation though what will probably actually happen is a lot of last minute preparations and maybe a general nod toward whatever modes of contemplation suite the participant i foresee a lot of hangovers in other words i have a slight intention to possibly live blog the event though i probably wont have time boss is in the actual ceremony and i have been drafted to help with making sure the newsies are where they are supposed to be 

ive been doing a lot of thinking about the past and everything that led to me being here thanks to some conversations with marcus i have also been thinking about my bro thats not exactly hard to do just about everything makes me think about my bro though for long stretches of time i tried to do anything but think about what happened to him and about my old life and how every time something new happened i had to try to make a new life out of pretty much nothing 

I have to say that pyrope was the easiest and hardest transition because what she wanted from the beginning were things that i didn’t know how to give her she had to teach me how to want those things for myself again and that was hard as hell but at the same time it was easy because she just showed me the way out of the hole i was in and im glad as hell that she found me or was directed to me or whatever and thats why i love her through her i found john again and met jade and everything is starting to feel i dont know clearer 

but im kind of wandering off topic here

the recent conversation with marcus touched on the differences between our classes she was apparently able to get into a closed community and did so for the sake of her kids i grew up in the city and went to public schools which led to me thinking of bro and how i know he felt he did wrong by me because he couldnt protect me he also said that it was okay for me to be angry about it and i didnt see how i could be until the most recent conversation with marcus 

and i guess i am a little angry with my bro because we were only as safe as he and the network of friends and acquaintances in the Signless he was trying to shepherd after his mentor died could make me bro needed to take care of me and he did as good a job as he could but there was a lot that we did without because there wasnt enough money or because i got sick or something bro did the best he could but he had a lot of irons in the fire and on top of that keeping the reasons for what he was doing secret from me because i was a little kid and couldnt be confided in which makes me a little angry too if i had had a better idea of his connections i might not have spent a year homeless on the street i might have used the keycard to get to the base temporary housing which i didn’t use because i was afraid id end up in orphan processing which i ended up in anyway so im a little angry while at the same time just missing him and wishing he were still around 

so thats my contemplation 

peace out


	27. marcus_s asked:

**marcus_s asked:**

Let me know if I'm prying inappropriately. I'm trying to work out the various relationships among parties so I don't give inadvertent offense. Biotechnist Harley and Mr. Captor are close friends but not formally linked? And Legislacerator Pyrope is also a friend? acquaintance? of Mr. Captor? I do genuinely have a need-to-know because treating people in an intimate relationship as if they're unrelated often gives offense. Thanks.

**trenchantGratisdicta answered:**

harley and captor are p much circling the idea of being moirails one of me and harleys first big discussions was about moirallegiance in fact she wanted my advice and stuff they occasionally refer to each other as moirails but not a lot harley acts as captors primary care person

pyrope and captor were childhood friends her matesprit was his moirail when they were kids, before captor was kidnapped by ampora and ended up getting helmed

**dragonseye42 asked:**

Dear Mr. Strider, I guess it's pretty boring hearing me say thank you all the time, but thank you anyway. You said you were more flexible at your age than I am, and I was wondering, how did you learn? Was it one of those schoolfeeding things, or did you have recordings (are there recordings I should watch) or tutors or ...?

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

my bro started training me pretty early mostly acrobatic and flexibility training till i was about five when we started on the sword we also did parkour and stuff like that

i got my first sword when i was eight then i got a more standard education in the sword when i ended up in military schoolfeeding

i dont know quite what to recommend by way of recordings or tutors you can probably ask your mom if you want additional classes

**dragonseye42 [locked to recipient only] asked:**

I'm sorry about your bro. Life really sucks sometimes. -- Elizabeth

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

**[private]**

Things got better kiddo

**dragonseye42 asked:**

No, really, I don't need another teacher, you're a great teacher! I just want to get really really good and I wanted to make sure I was doing everything I could to get there. But please don't tell Mom I want another teacher, because I don't! 

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

it was just a thought in case you wanted to take some additional tumbling or acrobatic type classes to be more flexible

youre doing fine just keep practicing and youll get to where you want to be 

**marcus_s asked:**

I won't say I'm sorry because you dislike it, but can I say that I empathize, at least? We need a better foster-care system for orphaned/abandoned/runaway children.

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

id say the larger problem is the disparity between the haves and the have nots which leads to a huge homeless populace which leads to mass conscriptions into the general labor pool or foster care but no real disagreement there

all is well now and it could have been a lot worse

**marcus_s asked:**

There's a little more progress on the Shanghai ring. Apparently senior government officials never get vehicle citations, even after fatal accidents. This is complicated by the traditional scam of faking accidents, but even so civilian deaths have occurred. What a mess. Does Legislacerator Pyrope have anybody on the ground? Local expertise would be critical to success.

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

you may have noticed that boss has a lot of irons in the fire marcus

some of those irons may soon be heading for earth to fall like meteors on the heads of various law enforcement agencies other irons will be heading for other colonial worlds with a similar mission there are also plans for special investigations and regularizing of current statutes with the new world order this is something that is going to take a while because it has to go through multiple layers before we can get to the actual team who is actually assigned to do the specific thing you brought to pyropes attention

i am told its got top priority but were talking top priority under other things that also have top priority if you have concerns or more information you should bring them up to pyrope directly 

**dragonseye42 asked:**

Dear Mr. Strider,That was a really great evening. You were right -- troll popcorn is totally awesome. I've asked Mom to buy some for my next slumber party, if I meet anybody to have a slumber party *with*. Maybe there are some young troll girls who want to hang out and watch Second Atenee. We could make a pile of pillows and just talk and nibble. Thank you again, Elizabeth

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

glad you had a good time kiddo awkward movie night was definitely a success all around

there is a sad shortage of kids troll or otherwise your age with the fleet im told there are alien kids but their parents or guardians are serving in other divisions in the fleet and meetings might be difficult to arrange

also there might be other barriers

too bad alternia net is separate from the fleet net otherwise id suggest checking out forums planet side for meeting kids your own age though maybe your mom could see if you could get special permission to access alternia net

in some alternate universe where you could have a slumber party with troll kids you were friends with a pillow pile would be contraindicated unless you were really really close bffs for forever and ever 

**marcus_s asked:**

Dear Forensitech Strider,Thank you for discouraging Elizabeth without going into prurient details. I'm concerned about your suggestion of Alternet access. You know as well as I do that there are human-fetishists out there. I'm glad to see that you and the Legislacerator and the Biotechnician are getting along well together. If I wanted to hold a personal, as opposed to professional, dinner party, who else should I invite besides the three of you?

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

there is not much that is prurient about a pillow pile or even gasp a pillow fort even if youre a troll investerrigator marcus its all in the context and location of said pile who knows what theoretical cultural faux pas might occur if she were to have a slumber party that included troll kids

i am trying very hard not to say yes but theyd be teenaged fetishists so very very hard 

i suggested alternia net because aside from the jade and drone minders who dont actually have that much of a presence on the network except to censor parts of it shed only be contacting kids her age or younger unlike fleet net which is adult so i dont think there would be a problem with her having a penpal, though thats entirely up to you of course

i do not think its likely youd be able to get special permission to allow elizabeth to get onto alternia net even though she is a kid because of reasons 


	28. dear diary what do you do with a drunken legislacerator

**[filtered]**

or a hung over one 

you think she would have gotten drunk during the coronation celebration but no 

instead she waited a few weeks and had a girls night out with marcus [because of what i dont know](http://trenchantgratisdicta.tumblr.com/post/112322103888/rp-routine-catchup) and am scared to ask but the aftermath of their little night out involved me and marcus husband bill getting called to please pick up our respective significant others and take them home 

boss was declaring marcus to be a pale slutty slut on the way home i have no idea if marcus was sharing similar sentiments with her husband and am not sure i want to know i also dont want to know what they were talking about or what their girls night out entailed besides really bad raunchy jokes and drunken singalongs though i suspect stories from school feeding and dating incidents were involved because pyrope tried to relate a story involving mosh pits and a depantsing incident that she apparently heard from marcus 

i am not sure i believe tales of marcus reckless youth 

boss is currently buried up to her ears in a pile in the living room embarrassing pictures have been sent to her matesprit and all appointments have been canceled or rescheduled its a good thing not much is going on at the moment except in the wider world what with the various sick fires starting or continuing throughout the empire the body of the law needs hydration low lights and crackers with citrus flavored soda right now and maybe some court dramas played really low 


	29. dear diary let me tell you about date night

harley contacted me about going out do to a certain amount of free time she had since i likewise had some free time we conspired about how to entertain ourselves we settled on clubbing but alas i do not have many suitable clubbing outfits so it was decided that wed go shopping beforehand and then maybe have dinner 

harley arrived on board balanced blade and met me as i was just finishing up work for the day from there we went to the flag ship and did the shopping on the lower mercantile decks shopping involved a lot of trying on of outfits and harley complementing my swag which did not cause me to become flustered in the least and anyone who says otherwise is definitely lying through their teeth i was totally chill about all the compliments and did some complimenting of my own 

once we found some nice clothes i treated harley to dinner at a restuarant on the rec deck that was recommended by pyrati the menu was some kind of alternian regional cuisine that involved lots of hot peppers and sweet sour dishes after dinner we stopped off at harleys place to change and went to a club that does oceania (which is alternian coastal type music vaguely analogous to human surf rock without actually being very much like human surf rock) and techno 

the club was a little crowded but the dj was pretty good and harley hauled me out onto the dance floor a couple times harley looked pretty amazing in a black dress with sparkles in the fabric and i was wearing tight slacks and a red shirt we both got offers to dance with others which we graciously declined 

kissing occurred and random discussions of various topics 

after the date jade walked me back to the shuttle bay and i headed back to balanced blade 

so that was my date with jade we both had fun i think 


	30. greyTraveler asked:

**greyTraveler asked:**

hey dave this is half official and half not. the official half is that karkat wants to unofficially know what the tension levels in the office are. he knows there have been no explosions but DO I HAVE TO TAKE OFFICIAL NOTICE. that is an exact quote. the not official part. wait i have to put in a formal notice. to any trolls reading either over the shoulder or by illicit means, nobody is cheating on anybodys moirailship, this is a human thing okay. dave, how is life with your nonohomo crush? john

**trenchantgratisdicta answered:**

**[private message]**

the tension levels are low to average for a department of this size with the workload that we have any disputes between me and marcus have been settled with a few heartfelt conversations and mutual conversations that were not in any way stressful for all concerned also pyrope and marcus little girls night out event seems to have further smoothed things over though boss should never ever be allowed to get drunk ever again official notice is definitely not necessary 

nohomo crush bro lets not bring up any reference to my definitely homo crush on you during my callow youth while referring to my current happy relationship with ms harley 

at least thats what i assume youre doing though what i have is not in any way a crush since that would imply that my feelings were not or debatably requited which is not in fact the case since harley definitely returns my feelings of affection and regard which is an awesome thing since unrequited romance kind of blows 

as i am most definitely familiar with mister john i am not a homosexual egbert 

dating so far has been of the dinner movie shooting range variety and we have had a lot of fun weve also gone dancing and went on a shopping trip which seems to be a theme with the ladies i date i always end up on shopping trips with them there have also been a couple double date situations where i and pyrope have visited harley and captor at their suite and weve had game and or movie night together 

i was a little surprised when she asked me out as it was not a thing i was really expecting we had gotten along previously and we had spoken a lot about being or having morails and troll romance and how it personally affected us in addition to the usual small talk of our childhoods and experiences but i did not expect her to ask me considering the differences between our social standing and situations but i think i should have realized that harley is the type to bulldoze right past things like that in that she kind of reminds me of pyrope 


	31. dear diary this is about boys night out

had a boys night out with john in which stories were shared and asses were kicked at a number of retro arcade games we talked about our significant others reminisced about school feeding and gossiped about work not entirely in that order boys night out turned out to be more wholesome than girls night out in that no one got very drunk and no one had to summon our significant others to come get us 

among the topics of conversation 

it seems that during school feeding johns general impression of me was tiny fighting machine this is a vile lie as i was not that much shorter than john was and i caught up pretty quickly eventually it was also alleged that i was better than most of the instructors which is also untrue my kata had gotten pretty sloppy without dedicated practice and my instructors were in fact better than me 

my general impression of john was who is this goofy kid and why wont he take a hint then i noticed he was the worlds scrawniest bulldozer kid was ridiculously strong and used that strength to his advantage when i was particularly recalcitrant there was no way i could break his grip or otherwise resist once he got it in his head that i would be participating in some recreational activity or another it was easier to go along with it though it usually ended up being fun

discussions of our respective significant others drifted around some though a little awkwardly i discussed the nebulous plans for me and pyropes commitment ceremony slash party and he talked about vantas and their various dates and their commitment ceremony and exchange of quadrant jewelry they gave each other rings john may have tried to convince vantas at some point before the wedding that dowries were a thing spoiler theyre not a thing i was also interrogated about jade and if shes treating me right which of course she is 

during our conversation about work john put forth the theory that marcus was under the impression that i was fragile which i think it is true enough and is and was the basis for a few of our disputes and misunderstandings im pretty confident that any day now she will realize that i am not actually emotionally or otherwise fragile i feel we are making good headway on this important point given our recent conversations 

we also talked a little about a recent seance to talk to bro mostly that it happened and i feel a little guilty that pyrope ended up doing most of the questions because i couldnt make myself ask

john was pretty curious concerning the seance because he has a fascination for that kind of thing i asked him if megido ever did a seance for him and he said yes but didnt go into detail about it i am assuming because the meeting was with someone he cared about 

im counting boys night out as a success


End file.
